Lagquammat is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, intelligent whale.

Lagquammat created snails three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagquammat, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lagquammat, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Lagquammat's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Lagquammat's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat rice.

2. Always make sure there are no goats in a building before entering it.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lagquammat.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mites.

5. You must love Lagquammat.