Tonklamhad is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, kind whale.

Tonklamhad created the Tadpole Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonklamhad, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tonklamhad, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Tonklamhad's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Tonklamhad's Holy Commandments

1. Tonklamhad loves ducks, so they must be respected.

2. Never hurt monkeys.

3. Never think about dark energy near horses while wearing gray dresses and balancing nine iron spheres on your legs.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always treat foxes with great respect.