Gabjadhugwan is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, stupid wren.

Gabjadhugwan created a photon six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabjadhugwan, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Gabjadhugwan, she will curse you with boils.

Gabjadhugwan's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Gabjadhugwan's Holy Commandments

1. Gabjadhugwan must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Run away if five eagles approach from the north.

5. Never go into turquoise rooms.