Gofmitkip is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, strong coyote.

Gofmitkip created life seven million years ago.

If you believe in Gofmitkip, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gofmitkip, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Gofmitkip's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Gofmitkip's Holy Commandments

1. Gofmitkip must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not dye your hair brown.

4. Never think about quantum field theory near ducks while wearing indigo rings and balancing seven silver spheres on your back.

5. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Gofmitkip in the centre of the settlement.