Japcibbumtetti is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, quiet gorilla.

Japcibbumtetti created the planet Saturn six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japcibbumtetti, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Japcibbumtetti, she will jump up and down on your head.

Japcibbumtetti's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Japcibbumtetti's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Always treat geese with great respect.

5. Erect seven gold sculptures of Japcibbumtetti on top of important buildings.