Cadflabfeb Quarttigarp is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, awesome pig.

Cadflabfeb Quarttigarp created the universe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Cadflabfeb Quarttigarp, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Cadflabfeb Quarttigarp, he will remove you from existence.

Cadflabfeb Quarttigarp's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Cadflabfeb Quarttigarp's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cadflabfeb Quarttigarp.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Learn three new languages a year.