Cumappben is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, unselfish wyrm.

Cumappben created a photon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Cumappben, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Cumappben, it will turn you into a dog.

Cumappben's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Cumappben's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never write about archaea.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Cumappben.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.