Labcunban is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, able raccoon.

Labcunban created the world eight million years ago.

If you believe in Labcunban, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Labcunban, he will turn you into a dog.

Labcunban's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Labcunban's Holy Commandments

1. Snakes are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Always wear black.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never think about solid mechanics near manatees while wearing green boots and balancing four gold spheres on your face.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.