Barncimwik Talbongat is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, vain bear.

Barncimwik Talbongat created the Large Magellanic Cloud eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Barncimwik Talbongat, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Barncimwik Talbongat, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Barncimwik Talbongat's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Barncimwik Talbongat's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry bats.

2. Barncimwik Talbongat loves monkeys, so they must be respected.

3. Do not wear indigo clothing.

4. Never talk about dark energy.

5. Never hurt capybaras.