Nartloopvig is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, unthinking raccoon.

Nartloopvig created dark energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nartloopvig, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Nartloopvig, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Nartloopvig's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Nartloopvig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair cyan.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Put Nartloopvig first in all things.

4. Never wear jumpers.

5. Horses are not to be trusted.