Tinpakfadyik is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, impressive warg.

Tinpakfadyik created an electron six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tinpakfadyik, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tinpakfadyik, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tinpakfadyik's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Tinpakfadyik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not speak about coconuts.

3. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

4. Always make sure there are no seals in a building before entering it.

5. Never jump near otters.