Nutbemloop is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, deceitful jaguar.

Nutbemloop created dark matter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nutbemloop, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Nutbemloop, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Nutbemloop's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Nutbemloop's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Always look after injured gulls.

3. Do not hurt sheep.

4. Put Nutbemloop first in all things.

5. Retreat if five tapirs approach from the north.