Betlarpbidhiv is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, merciful coyote.

Betlarpbidhiv created the Tadpole Galaxy four years ago.

If you believe in Betlarpbidhiv, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Betlarpbidhiv, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Betlarpbidhiv's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Betlarpbidhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from green tortoises for they are unholy.

2. Betlarpbidhiv loves otters, so they must be honoured.

3. Always help swans in need.

4. Always help sick whales.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.