Padwitcam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, weak butterfly.

Padwitcam created Europe five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Padwitcam, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Padwitcam, it will laugh at you.

Padwitcam's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Padwitcam's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.

2. Never think about bacteria.

3. Never go into fawn rooms.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never think about dark matter.