Tanveensakzod is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, generous turtle.

Tanveensakzod created water eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tanveensakzod, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tanveensakzod, she will turn you into a frog.

Tanveensakzod's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Tanveensakzod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tanveensakzod.

3. Never think about bacteria.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Respect your elders.