Xemgodnarl is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, irritating fly.

Xemgodnarl created gold seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xemgodnarl, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Xemgodnarl, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Xemgodnarl's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Xemgodnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear magenta jumpers.

2. Never write about chlorophyll.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not skip in public.

5. Xemgodnarl loves porpoises, so they must be respected.