Gabstergep is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, ill-tempered pig.

Gabstergep created dark energy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabstergep, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gabstergep, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Gabstergep's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Gabstergep's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Gabstergep's priests.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not speak about oranges.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always help seals.