Tamtamtaf Jopfobcep is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, weak crab.

Tamtamtaf Jopfobcep created a top quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tamtamtaf Jopfobcep, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tamtamtaf Jopfobcep, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Tamtamtaf Jopfobcep's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Tamtamtaf Jopfobcep's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Run away if five badgers approach from the east.

3. Always look after injured dolphins.

4. Never think about stars.

5. Moths are unholy and should not be approached.