Tipmiljan is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, almighty pig.

Tipmiljan created dark energy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tipmiljan, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tipmiljan, it will jump up and down on your head.

Tipmiljan's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Tipmiljan's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not hurt aardvarks.

5. Never feed strawberries to horses while wearing shirts.