Ortnulgarkonfodfud is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, tiresome coyote.

Ortnulgarkonfodfud created tapeworms six million years ago.

If you believe in Ortnulgarkonfodfud, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ortnulgarkonfodfud, he will turn you into a duck.

Ortnulgarkonfodfud's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Ortnulgarkonfodfud's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never think about solid mechanics near frogs while wearing black hats and balancing eight nickel spheres on your back.

4. Never talk about electromagnetism near monkeys while wearing violet scarves and balancing nine platinum spheres on your legs.

5. Never talk about thermodynamics.