Listcarved is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, all-powerful newt.

Listcarved created water five billion years ago.

If you believe in Listcarved, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Listcarved, it will turn you into a sheep.

Listcarved's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Listcarved's Holy Commandments

1. Put Listcarved first in all things.

2. Learn nine new languages a year.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never mention porpoises.

5. Never feed pineapples to dolphins while wearing coats.