Veenfenpig Homyarlkiptom Bapquagfly is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, idiotic naga.

Veenfenpig Homyarlkiptom Bapquagfly created the planet Earth three billion years ago.

If you believe in Veenfenpig Homyarlkiptom Bapquagfly, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Veenfenpig Homyarlkiptom Bapquagfly, it will throw large rocks at you.

Veenfenpig Homyarlkiptom Bapquagfly's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Veenfenpig Homyarlkiptom Bapquagfly's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about porpoises.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not dye your hair gray.

5. Always help shrews.