Laknelmut is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, unsympathetic goblin.

Laknelmut created parasitic wasps two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Laknelmut, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Laknelmut, he will turn you into a hamster.

Laknelmut's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Laknelmut's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Otters are not to be trusted.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always stare at clouds.