Mapdabvegmat is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, bad-tempered hamster.

Mapdabvegmat created a charm quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mapdabvegmat, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Mapdabvegmat, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Mapdabvegmat's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Mapdabvegmat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never think about quantum gravity near horses while wearing orange skirts and balancing nine silicon spheres on your feet.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.