Batkipkap is a god.

It takes the form of a small, unfair tortoise.

Batkipkap created the planet Saturn eight million years ago.

If you believe in Batkipkap, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Batkipkap, it will send you a sign.

Batkipkap's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Batkipkap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat grapes.

2. Never eat coconuts.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Never write about stars.