Nurtiglarn is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, prudent porpoise.

Nurtiglarn created life six billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtiglarn, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Nurtiglarn, he will refuse to believe in you.

Nurtiglarn's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Nurtiglarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Nurtiglarn.

3. Feed all hungry whales.

4. Always wear fawn.

5. Nurtiglarn loves mites, so they must be honoured.