Tofkabjenvol is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, intelligent narwhal.

Tofkabjenvol created Asia four years ago.

If you believe in Tofkabjenvol, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tofkabjenvol, he will remove you from existence.

Tofkabjenvol's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Tofkabjenvol's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your back.

2. Hide if six bats approach from the east.

3. Never talk about asteroids.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not take Tofkabjenvol's name in vain.