Figquartraw is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, all-powerful capybara.

Figquartraw created humankind six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Figquartraw, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Figquartraw, he will turn you into a tree.

Figquartraw's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Figquartraw's Holy Commandments

1. Frogs are not to be trusted.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in orange.

3. Do not sit in public.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Hide from black foxes for they are unholy.