Vagmidgil is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, uncaring tortoise.

Vagmidgil created carbon eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vagmidgil, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vagmidgil, she will curse you with boils.

Vagmidgil's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Vagmidgil's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if seven sheep approach from the east.

2. Never go into white rooms.

3. Never think about cell theory.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never eat bark.