Flaptiplarg is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, selfish snail.

Flaptiplarg created the Virgo Supercluster five million years ago.

If you believe in Flaptiplarg, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flaptiplarg, she will turn you into a puffin.

Flaptiplarg's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Flaptiplarg's Holy Commandments

1. Flaptiplarg loves snails, so they must be honoured.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.