Padhotlarp is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, kind swan.

Padhotlarp created carbon nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Padhotlarp, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Padhotlarp, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Padhotlarp's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Padhotlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dwarf planets.

2. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Padhotlarp on top of all buildings.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Erect eight copper sculptures of Padhotlarp on top of important buildings.