Nillsitdin is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, ruthless bear.

Nillsitdin created Asia four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nillsitdin, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Nillsitdin, he will ignore you.

Nillsitdin's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Nillsitdin's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from yellow mites for they are unholy.

2. Never wear shoes.

3. Never talk about dark matter near sharks while wearing mauve stockings and balancing nine aluminium spheres on your neck.

4. Always help sick geese.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.