Negwanxinsag is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, selfish badger.

Negwanxinsag created Asia six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Negwanxinsag, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Negwanxinsag, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Negwanxinsag's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Negwanxinsag's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never think about fluid mechanics near gulls while wearing black trousers and balancing nine nickel spheres on your legs.

3. Negwanxinsag loves sharks, so they must be respected.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not shave your neck.