Hatkiplik is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, unjust goat.

Hatkiplik created life eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatkiplik, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hatkiplik, he will turn you into a snail.

Hatkiplik's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Hatkiplik's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat turtles with great respect.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Always obey Hatkiplik's priests.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.