Vonkfudtip is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unjust faun.

Vonkfudtip created the planet Mars six million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkfudtip, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonkfudtip, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Vonkfudtip's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Vonkfudtip's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Hide if five bats approach from the west.

4. Vonkfudtip must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never talk about spacetime near snakes while wearing gray boots and balancing six carbon spheres on your feet.