Loopfubbass is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, omniscient badger.

Loopfubbass created oxygen five billion years ago.

If you believe in Loopfubbass, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Loopfubbass, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Loopfubbass' most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Loopfubbass' Holy Commandments

1. Never write about chromosomes.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Learn four new languages a year.