Baplamkar is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, smart mongoose.

Baplamkar created dark energy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Baplamkar, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Baplamkar, he will turn you into a sheep.

Baplamkar's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Baplamkar's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from fawn ants, for they are unholy.

2. Always help sick otters.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never sprint in holy places.