Jopcabkim is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, sapient lizard.

Jopcabkim created carbon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jopcabkim, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Jopcabkim, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Jopcabkim's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Jopcabkim's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never think about planets.

4. Do not speak about rice.

5. Always make sure there are no voles in a building before entering it.