Yarpyartxem is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, overgenerous cow.

Yarpyartxem created the cosmos eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yarpyartxem, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Yarpyartxem, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Yarpyartxem's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Yarpyartxem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Yarpyartxem's name in vain.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not kill swans.

4. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

5. Do not speak about figs.