Mintettized Sigpangcad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, irritating porpoise.

Mintettized Sigpangcad created energy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mintettized Sigpangcad, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Mintettized Sigpangcad, he will turn you into a sheep.

Mintettized Sigpangcad's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Mintettized Sigpangcad's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Mintettized Sigpangcad on top of all buildings.

2. Do not speak about melons.

3. Never write about enzymes.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Always take life seriously.