Hatyakmut is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, selfish gerbil.

Hatyakmut created light four years ago.

If you believe in Hatyakmut, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Hatyakmut, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Hatyakmut's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Hatyakmut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Erect nine gold sculptures of Hatyakmut on top of important buildings.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hatyakmut.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.