Tal is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, witty bat.

Tal created a photon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tal, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Tal, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Tal's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Tal's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if five sharks approach from the south.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never mention tapirs.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never feed nuts to porpoises while wearing shorts.