Motmilquamsaf is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, blissful lobster.

Motmilquamsaf created tapeworms two years ago.

If you believe in Motmilquamsaf, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Motmilquamsaf, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Motmilquamsaf's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Motmilquamsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Always treat voles with great respect.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

4. Never look at asteroids.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near tapirs while wearing white kilts and balancing six titanium spheres on your face.