Mutjarnlak is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, cheerful deer.

Mutjarnlak created vertebrates seven million years ago.

If you believe in Mutjarnlak, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Mutjarnlak, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Mutjarnlak's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Mutjarnlak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never feed nuts to tortoises while wearing ear rings.

4. Always make sure there are no eagles in a building before entering it.

5. Never eat bark.