Sugpitstercuss is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, resourceful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Sugpitstercuss created the planet Jupiter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Sugpitstercuss, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Sugpitstercuss, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Sugpitstercuss' most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Sugpitstercuss' Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate cats.

3. Do not eat gooseberries.

4. Never wear jumpers.

5. Do not stand on grass.