Batgabbonk is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, self-assured crane.

Batgabbonk created an atom twelve years ago.

If you believe in Batgabbonk, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Batgabbonk, he will not invite you to parties.

Batgabbonk's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Batgabbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Batgabbonk loves otters, so they must be honoured.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Batgabbonk in the centre of the settlement.

4. Hide if five whales approach from the south.

5. You must love Batgabbonk.