Febquafhap is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, all-powerful pig.

Febquafhap created carbon six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Febquafhap, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Febquafhap, it will have a very low opinion of you.

Febquafhap's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Febquafhap's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat grapes.

2. Put Febquafhap first in all things.

3. Learn five new languages a year.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never feed lots of oranges to cats while wearing gray boots.