Bonknilapp is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, duplicitous seal.

Bonknilapp created humankind six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonknilapp, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bonknilapp, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bonknilapp's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Bonknilapp's Holy Commandments

1. Grasshopers are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Always wear cyan.

3. Never feed lots of rice to gulls while wearing turquoise corsets.

4. Hide if nine ants approach from the north.

5. You must never eat pineapples.
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