Zanartfig is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, merciful monkey.

Zanartfig created carbon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Zanartfig, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Zanartfig, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Zanartfig's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Zanartfig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

3. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate rats.