Kapnanrip is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, dishonourable scorpion.

Kapnanrip created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kapnanrip, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Kapnanrip, she will refuse to believe in you.

Kapnanrip's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Kapnanrip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never look at nebulae.

3. Never think about dwarf planets.

4. Always help whales in need.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.